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At first I didn’t really know why I was taking this so hard. It’s not like I’m the type of person who gets affected by this kind of thing. But now that I’ve had time to think about it, and also the fact that it’s happened twice, I’m starting to get it.
It’s not about him. It could be anyone, he isn’t special. The issue I’m dealing with here is not getting what I want. I sound like a princess but I have to be honest with myself.
When these things happen, when there’s even a small hint that I might want something, I usually get it. What happens after that is irrelevant, because it can go either way. But this time, when nothing happened, I didn’t know how to react.
If I had gotten what I wanted, I’m more than sure that I wouldn’t be thinking about it so much. But the thing that’s bugging me now is the idea of something that could have been, but never was, and thinking about that is bloody killing me!
What makes it worse is that it’s happened twice now. I don’t understand this, I don’t understand myself, I just know that I want something that I don’t have and I’m driving myself insane thinking about it.
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