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For the longest time, I’ve been so worried and scared of what would happen if people I love find out about the side of me that I’ve been hiding from them. How would they react? Would they look at me differently, what would they think of me, would they stop loving me?
But yesterday I told someone, everything. Well, not Everything, but enough. She forced it out of me, but truthfully, I think a part of me wanted to be honest. I’ve been telling half-truths and hiding things for so long, it was refreshing to be honest.
And the strangest thing was how I felt after that, I expected to be filled with fear and regret and “OH GOD I shouldn’t have said anything”. But I felt so relieved and so much more peaceful?
Then I realized, that I really needn’t have worried, because if I tell someone and they look down on me, or stop loving me, then they probably weren’t much of a friend to begin with. If they’re really my friends, they’ll love me no matter what I’ve done, because I’m really just the same person, different shit.
I’m not saying that I’m going to run out and start telling everybody everything, but it was really comforting to tell someone, and to hear them say “It doesn’t matter what you did Megan, I still love you.”
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