; Megnificent ♥

I’m glad things are cool. Don’t ever let it get screwed up okay okay. I think I won’t be able to take it alrdy, I kid you not!

My 17th birthday was nothing short of great. No big party or anything, just small things that made my day Thank you everyone who made my day special, love you guys so much <3

I know you read this, and you’ll prolly see this, but I can’t bring myself to talk to you right now. Blogs are useful aren’t they?

Don’t turn around and get all pissy at me okay, cos just half a year ago you were saying the complete opposite of what you are now. You said screw this shit and go, stuff it all of you you piss me off. Why be affected and not do what your actually do what you are supposed to, when you can be comfortable and do what your really meant to be doing? And I agree, completely.

But now you come and turn the  tables on me and its freaking hard already without you coming and making things worse. I thought you would be some kind of voice of reason but you just make this so much more complicated than it already is. Your becoming one of the people you told me to say “get lost” to. I don’t understand; okay maybe your coming back, that is good, really it is, and I am happy for you, but now you become one of them? The ones “spreading the filth around” as you put it. But I don’t even know what to think anymore, I’ve tried cutting myself off but obviously I came back.

Talk about role reversal, who’s the one who’s gone 180 on me.
Don’t go on like I’m the only one, what about the others? The ones your supposed to be close to, don’t really think much about them do you? Why? Cos I’m the only one stupid enough to come back and care, and when I do I get whacked for how little I do that. But did you notice that I even came in the first place? If everyone’s so worried, go figure out the rest before you come worrying about little ol’ me, the only one who’s been around long enough to get pissed off.

Angst over, well maybe not really, I don’t know, I don’t really stay mad at you for long. But, I don’t know. I really don’t, and it sucks not knowing. Don’t be any more pissed at me, please. I don’t think I can take anymore.

Its like the world’s moving on without me. Screw this.

Ever felt alone in a crowded room? I have, and I don’t like it. It’s like watching a movie, a movie that you used to have a role in, but somehow the writers must have killed off your character, cos you don’t fit in anywhere anymore.

It sucks but I’ve been feeling so very alone recently. I’ve still got the same people I know, but things just seem to be breaking down on me. I don’t have anyone I can tell stuff to, anyone I’m really myself around. There’s always something I have to cover up, if not they’ll think know how awful I am. I can’t tell A that I am Completely and Utterly disgusted by B; I can’t tell C that my friendship with A is dying; I can’t tell B that I think C doesn’t like me; I can’t tell freaking anyone anything, so I’m resorting to beating around the bush and coming up with code names and writing mysteriously on this blog. How wonderful is my life?

I am so tired of everything. Mentally and emotionally drained, enough is enough! I want to say that, but sometimes there are certain things that you just can’t do. Things that would be rude or disrespectful.
Ever had those movie moments? When you play out what you WANT to do in a situation, then you blink and reality is staring you in the face and you can’t do anything but the “right” thing. I have myself on a mental leash 24/7 nowadays, so I don’t go berserk and flip out on anyone.
Running away, not as hard as I thought.

I’m becoming such an annoying person. I annoy myself.
But Thank God I have a few wonderful, unchanging people that keep me sane and happy.